The Silent Death
by chibisoraplushieness
Summary: Sora's perspective of a traumatic death... xD R&R? my first actualy 'fic.'
1. Chapter 1

**This will be my first 'fic' and not just a oXs, so. Yay!. I'm not putting much time into this, but I'm so obcessed with the KH's game,. It's taking up most of my time, so I usually don't do too much else. ...Chibeh**

Sometimes, things happen. Bad things. Sometimes, those things are on purpose, sometimes they're accidents. I think most of the time, they're accidents. But, I also think the thing that happened to me was a full intention.

An intention to hurt. Maybe an act of jealousy. But, being me, I'll never know. I dont live in the mind of a murderer. It does hurt to live with a murderer though. It also hurts to never know the truth, to never know what life really means. To not know what life means to others. To never know if life is more important than love.

These are the things that I wonder about in life, and this is my story.

It was another Saturday morning. The sun was shining brightly into my room. I first awoke to the sound of my name being called at a distance.

"Sora...SORA!"

It was my mom.

"Sora! It's time for breakfast,come on, get up!" she shouted. I could smell pancakes cooking, and a slight hint of bacon.

I snuggled back deep under my covers and closed my eyes, the urge to go back to sleep was very tempting, then again; so was the smells wafting about through the air. After debating for a few minutes, I finally decided to get up and eat now, because I could sleep later.

"Sora!", my mom's nagging voice rang out, "If you're not up in five minutes i'm coming to get you."

"Give me a second to get dressed" I yelled back while hopping out of my bed. I quickly grabbed some clothes and changed. I then adjusted them so that they fit more comfortably. They were kinda itchy because they were new, but I figured I'd get used to them in no time.

Besides, mom had said I needed to look more manly, and needed to quit wearing so many 'tight'- fitting shirts. And no more tight shorts or bell-bottom pants. So, I had bought a white and grey striped 'loose'- fitting man's shirt and a pair of pants that weren't quite bell-bottoms but resembled them. I even bought a black tie to match my cotton pants. My mom was so pleased.

"Oh Sora! you look so handsome, she cooed, You look so much like you're father..."

And then, I flinched. Mom probably didn't even notice; she was too busy ranting about the father I never had.

Well, it was more like 'the father that was never there'. He gets up early, and comes home late. That's how it's always been. He never even stays on the holidays, all it is is 'work, work, work'.

And each memory stays fresh in my mind. All the times I'd wake up in the middle of the night. I was about five or six. I'd go wake my father up and cry or beg him to stay home.

_"Daddy!...please stay home with me and mommy, we miss you so much!" I would plead in the whinniest voice I could muster._

_"Im so sorry son, I just can't, daddy has to work very hard every day." He'd reply with a tired yawn._

_"Daddy, why is work so important? You're always gone!" I'd then sob and hug him tightly. Staining his shirt with tears, I would clutch onto him, never wanting to let go._

_"I have to work to make mommy happy..." He would protest. Then, he would usually pick me up and lay me beside him. I would snuggle into his loving embrace and cry silently._

_"But when you gone..., I'd whisper quietly to him, Me and mommy are sad...how can you being gone to work all day make her happy?"_

_"Trust me son, it does..., He would whisper back, One day, you'll understand."_

_And before I knew it, I'd have fallen asleep in my father's arms._

_In the mornings, I would wake up to find myself alone in the king-sized bed. I'd lay in whar was left of the imprint where my father had layed hours before and cry. Soaking the fluffy white pillow with unwanted tears._

_Afterwards, I'd clean myself up and make my way to the kitchen where my mom was usually making breakfast. She would hum some old song i'd never heard of until she noticed my presence. She would then smile and hand me a plate with various foods. Most of the time it was eggs, bacon, and toast; Or a big stack of pancakes. My favorite._

That's how it used to be, now i'm fourteen years old. My father still works like crazy. He's gone so much that I don't even call him 'daddy' or even 'dad' anymore.

It just doesnt feel right. I'ts like I don't really know him. But then again... I really dont.

Meanwhile, mom's still doing pretty good. She doesn't make breakfast much anymore. She says I need to be more 'responsible' for myself. So that's why it surprised me when she made pancakes this morning. I guess maybe she's just in a really good mood this morning.

And besides, I'm not complaining.

I ran into the bathroom after I remembered that I hadn't combed my hair out. It was a mess so it took me awhile to tame it. A few strands of chestnut brown still teased and tickled at my nose, but it was better than nothing. I looked into the mirror satisfied with my mop of hair. But then realized how tired my pale complexion looked.

After rubbing my eyes groggily, I splashed some of the cool water spurting from the faucet of the bathroom sink onto my face. The liquid was cold and calming at the same time. Though it did seem to 'wake' me up.

I blinked and shivered as I wiped away the wetness. The towel was soft and cuddly against my skin as I smothered myself with it. It reminded me of a little puppy I once had...

My stomache growled loudly and I couldnt take it anymore. I was starving. So I ran back into the kitchen and sat down just as my mom did the same.

"There you are, she said shaking her head with a smirk on her face, I thought you had died of hunger before you could even had reached the living room."

"Oh what positive thinking mom!" I rolled my sparkling eyes playfully at her.

"Well...I suppose it could happen don't you?" She looked at me with a sorrowful look in her dull hazel eyes. It almost made me want to cry. She was always so depressed and sad because of my father.

I always feel so bad for her. Like everything's my fault. Even though I know it isn't. Why couldn't he just stay home?Then everyone would be happy. And I could have a real family...

It hurts my heart to think about everything. And how my mom is so lonely. The pain comes and is familiar, but it always hurts more. Everytime is worse than before.

So, I eat quickly, careful to avoid my mom's gaze. I wolfed down the warm pancakes, even though I felt sick. When my mom would look away, I'd watch her.

Suddenly her eyes filled with tears. She blinked them away. I also noticed that she looked like she hadn't slept in weeks. Which, I hate to admit but, I wouldn't be surprised if she hadn't.

That's how bad it is.

If only I could find some way to bring my father home. To stay. And then maybe my mom could be happy.

I grabbed my almost empty plate and mixed the syrup around until it was all over the dish. Then, I poked my finger into it and made two dots. Then I made a long curvy line. I held it up to mom and pointed with a big lopsided grin on my face.

She didn't seem to notice anything at first, then she looked closer and burst out laughing. Her eyes seemed to sparkle as she reached her fingers to her mouth to stifle the laughing. It slowly turned into a giggle and then she just smiled at me.

"Wow Sora, that really defines making a 'happy plate' " She inhaled deeply and then smiled at me again.

I kept holding the plate up while I yawned widely.

"Well, Sora, my mom raised an eyebrow, Are you going to rinse that plate off, or do you want me to hang it on the wall so everyone can see how well you can express yourself?"

I opened my eyes really wide and ran off the the kitchen sink as fast as I could. I gave an inward smile as I heard my mom laughing again. She had such a joyous laugh. That kind of laugh that you would never want to end.

"Hey mom, I asked loudly over the sound of the water as I scrubbed at the smiling syrup-y plate, Do you mind If I go over to Riku's today?"

After giving it a moment of thought, mom replied "Go ahead,sweetie. And also, If it's ok with his parents, you can invite him over to stay the night."

_'YESSSS!'_ I thought to myself. It took everything I had not to jump up and down with glee.

Riku, he was my best friend. One of the only other guys on the island that was about my age. Him and Wakka were both older than me. But Tidus was younger. So, that kinda left me and Riku in the middle. Kairi was the really the only girl in the group. She was closer to my age than anybody, but we're just close friends. Well, I'm her close friend. I don't know about her. If she likes me or not...

But Riku... he was my friend through everything. And I've known him longer so. Maybe that's why I feel closer to him than Kairi. A least... I hope that's why.

And then, there's Donald and Goofy. My animalistic friends. I met them years back, but they dont personally know Riku, Kairi, or anyone on Destiny Islands really...

We have lots of adventures together and are great friends. We go everywhere on the Gummi Ship. But I always come back waiting to be with Riku.

I was lost in thought before I realized the plate was sparkling clean. I then placed it in the dish rack so it could dry off.

I was ready to leave and was rushing to get to Riku's as fast as I could. I kissed my mom on her cheek and gave a fast "Byemomiloveyouseeyouwhenigetback" and grabbed a jacket. I then ran out the door and my mom barely finished saying 'Bye' before the heavy wooden door closed everything off.

I ran as fast as I could, the dust kicked up behind me with every step. Even though it was probably only five minutes, it felt like I had been running for hours when I finally slowed to a stop at a wooden house that looked remarkably like my own. I walked up the steps toward the door and knocked on it.

**Yeah. First chapter. good? comments please. It was kinda screwy but... well, whatever. And btw, I know you prolly already figured it out. But the first ever paragraph was meant to be Sora speaking, but I realized that it might look like I wrote it. so... yeah... R&R please.**


	2. Hey, Riku

**Second chap. to The Silent Death yay for me xD ...Chibeh**

Looking into the sky, I wet my lips while listening for even the faintest sounds of life inside Riku's home.

I could hear a muffled "...coming..." as I waited. And swiftly the door opened without a sound.

"Riku!" I cried out as I tackled the silver-haired boy. Before we hit the ground, I caught a glimpse of his aquamarine eyes wide with shock. A rare look from one so tough.

"Sora..." he growled as I sat on his stomache. He rubbed the back of his own head and gave me one of those 'if-you-dont-quit-I'll-kill-you' looks.

I pouted my lip and gave him puppy dog eyes, crossing my arms over my chest. I knew I looked childish but I smiled when I saw Riku's face soften up.

_'He can't resist!'_ I thought giddly.

"Can I stay over, Riku?" I asked curiously before deciding if I wanted to get up.

"Umm...Sure...my parents aren't home..." He answered while trying to shove me off.I tried to somehow weigh more, so that he wouldn't succeed in pushing me off. But, as always he was able to get me off without even tensing up his muscles.

After making sure I was having a good time sprawled out on the floor, Riku got up and dusted himself off. I lay spread-eagle and closed my eyes.

"Uhh..Sora?..., Riku questioned me as I lay motionless, Err...Are you getting up?...Sora...SORA...". He picked up a long stick and poked me hard in the side with it.

"OUCH!" I yelped as I straightened up and grabbed my waist.

"Ohmygosh Sora, Riku knelt beside me and held his hand over my hand where he had poked me moments earlier, Are you...ok?" He asked.

_'Oh my god,Oh my god...No!'_ I thought frantically. I could feel myself blushing. But, I couldn't help it. I had never seen Riku so protective, and his hand...It was like silk, so soft and smooth as it rested itself upon mine. He had really cared, he knew he did something wrong that hurt me and he actually cared. That both stunned and amazed me.

"Y-yeah..., I stuttered dumbly as Riku took his hand off mine, I'll be fine, there just might be a small bruise, that's all..."

I took my hand off my waist and sat there, watching Riku as he stood up and held his hand out to me. He smiled when I accepted. Then he pulled me up with no trouble at all. So graceful...

"You coming in?" The silver-haired male asked impatiently while standing on the other side of the door.

"Mmm-hmm" I nodded and hastily walked in.

He has a nice place, so...open, so...quiet. And big too, the outside may look like my house, but his is actually much bigger on the inside.

"Wait! Riku, I squealed as I watched him sit down on the yellow sofa, When are you're parents going to be home?" I asked curiously.

"No clue...Probably sometime tomarrow...why?" He squinted his eyes at me as I came and sat beside him; careful to keep my distance.

'_Nooooooooooo!'_ I thought.

"Because, I was gonna see if you could umm...ehh...spendthenightatmyhouse" I retorted huffily.

"Come again?" Riku glared at me with a confused look on his face.

"Err.. Do you think... you can spend the night at... you know... my house?" I asked and closed my eyes for the worst.

"Uh..., I could feel Riku looking at me; probably wondering why I was making such a big deal out of it, Well...Maybe we can call you're mom and see if you can spend the night here since I have no clue when my parents are getting back..." Riku suggested while shrugging his shoulders.

"That would be great!" I opened my eyes and smiled wide.

"I'll be back..." Riku looked at me with those cat-like eyes. So entrancing. He got up and walked into another room.

I sighed, and wondered why I felt all tingly inside. Everytime I saw Riku, I want to hug him to death, to be hugged by him. To have the feeling of him hugging me. It was all so weird. I'd never felt for anyone like this before. Especially a _guy_. I mean... come on... im not.. gay.. or, at least I don't think I am. The last time I checked I wasn't anyway... But then again... If I want to be _hugged_ by Riku, and he's a guy... and I'm a guy... well... That doesn't really add up to being straight. But still... he'll never love me, even if I do love him. He'll just reject me. So, it's better if I ignore my feelings.

"Back"

I almost screamed out like a girl, I was so lost in thought, I didn't even notice Riku sit down next to me.

"Welcome back..." I smiled nervously.

"Whatever, anyway. Your mom. She said that you could stay, and that you should show me a...'happy plate'?"

I could feel my cheeks burning and I thought I would cry...

**Yay! Second chap. done. teehee... Happy plates xD this story isn't really going as planned. I'm so sorry that it sucks so bad. x.x R&R? Ps. Flames will be used for marshmellows!**


	3. Titanic

**Chapter 3. Yay! so wonderful. xD Anyway'sh I'll try to update my story more o.o; I haven't really been writing to much lately. Also, i'm sorry to the people waiting for this chap. ; I really am truly sorry but I haven't really felt like writing lately. But, I do know what it's like to read an unfinished story. So, that's what drives me on. So one day I may finish this story. D Well, enjoy.**

I nearly died right there. I looked at Riku with the best curious look I could mimic, and stated "No clue...? I don't know what she's talking about."

"Well...ok..." He looked at me suspiciously and then grabbed the remote laying next to him. He turned the Tv on and then asked if I watched anything in particular, because he couldn't think of anything.

"Ehh... not... really..." I said. So watched as he flipped through various channels, nothing came to interest, so finally after about fifteen minutes of searching the different stations Riku turned the Tv off and looked at me. I melted, his eyes were so beautiful. They looked so pure, so fine, and they sparkled alot too.

"Sora... I... " Riku began to speak, he looked down at the carpet. Then he closed his mouth, shaking his head. I looked closely and saw his face start to redden.

'_He's blushing...'_ I thought with that tingly feeling again. _'Oh my gosh, Riku is blushing.'_

I almost started laughing, but decided against it.

"Nevermind..." He muttered under his breath. I watched his face as his eyes darted around the room. He looked so uncomfortable.

"Is everything ok?" I asked, I looked at him with big sad eyes.

"Uh... yeah... everythings _great_, just SHUT UP, will you!" He snapped at me. His eyes glaring.

I whimpered alittle and looked at the sofa. I looked back up at him, I could feel my eyes tear up. He looked taken aback as if he had just been shot, and he placed a hand on my shoulder.

"I... I'm sorry Sora... I... just... I've had alot on my mind lately..., He looked ashamed and then pulled his hand back, Its just... I feel... different all of a sudden... I'm still just trying to sort out my feelings..."

I wanted more than anything to agree with him, to tell him that i've been troubled lately too, but, if I told him, he would only pry until he found out what was eating at me. And then I would have to tell him. And then he'll hate me. Never love me... Who was I kidding, It's not like he would love me back even if I didn't tell him now. Maybe I'll wait until later... tonight.

"Sora..." Riku leaned closer to me. He looked just like a hurt animal. So vulnerable, so frightened.

"Yes?" I asked. I wanted so badly to just embrace him, to feel his soft skin against mine. To run my fingers through his silky hair and tell him everything would be alright. But, I couldn't no matter how much I wanted to.

"I'm really... sorry..." He whispered. I figured he felt really bad, because he never acted like this before. It was like a different Riku. But I liked it all the same.

"It's ok" I said softly.

"Thank's Sora." Riku yawned and he lay down on the sofa. I could see he was very tired, and wasn't about to get in between him and good-health. So I didn't complain when he closed his eyes. I also didn't complain when he said 'good-night'. Didn't complain when I heard him snoring. And I also didn't complain when about half and hour later, I heard him mumbling 'I love you, Sora' in his sleep.

I opened my eyes sleepily, stretching and yawning. I had slept well.

Wait...I slept! I didn't remember falling asleep, I just remembered watching Riku sleeping, he was so peaceful...Riku! Wait, where was he. I sat up on the sofa and looked around.

My eyes settled on the other side of the room. There he was. I guess he had gotten up and moved, because he was now sitting on one of the chairs placed throught the living room. Propped up against a pillow, he was watching '_The Titanic_' on Tv.

_Titanic_? Riku watched gooey stuff like '_Titanic_'?. Never would've guessed...

"Hey Riku" I inhaled deeply and stretched again.

"Eh,... hey Sora" he replied, his eyes still glued to the Tv. Then, he turned to me in shock and realized I had just caught him watching a soppy love story. Even if it was a true one.

"Heh..." I half laughed as I watched him glare at me.

"You..., he growled, Better now tell anyone about this, got it?"

"Sure,... sure... " I mumbled softly. Looking up, I raised my eyebrow playfully at him. He only grimaced and returned his gaze to the Tv.

_"_He's so gorgeous_..."_

"The guy on tv?" Riku watched me with a distorted look on his face.

_'Oh my gosh! Did I just say that out loud? Noooo!' _I thought, fear etched across my face.

"Uhm... Let's just pretend nothing happened. k?" Riku gave me a disgusted look and watched _Titanic_ again.

_'Oh great... now he thinks i'm a pervy lower-life form.' _I thought to myself haughtily. Eveything became silent. I would watch the Tv screen and look and Riku every few minutes. He seemed the same, but... everything felt different now. I wanted to tell him. Tell him everything, but I knew I couldn't. I had to hold it all in. Tears filled my eyes as I watched him, the pain grew inside my chest. I felt like my head was splitting.

"Sora?"

Riku called my name and looked at me, his eyes showed signs of worry and he kinda...half stood up. He was inbetween a sitting position and an up position.I turned away and shoved my face into the soft sofa. I just wanted everything to go away. I wanted to dissapear, curl into a ball and sink into nothingness.

"Oh... it's... nothing" I choked out and shoved my head harder into the sofa. Maybe this wasn't a good idea. I should just quit. And act like nothing ever happened. And never tell him. I mean, I wouldn't die? If I never told him... would I? I don't know...

I suddenly felt.. tired. Like I hadn't slept for awhile. I closed my eyes, still allowing the tears to flow. The section of furniture I was crying on became very... wet, and uncomfortable to lean on, but I did anways. The weight shifted on the sofa as I felt Riku sit beside me. He scooted close, and attempted to pull my face away from the sofa.I resisted. But, would you blame me? I didn't want him seeing my face. Since I was crying. I must look horrible.

"Sora!..." Riku made a desperate whisper in my ear, it sent chills and tickles up my spine. From behind me, I could feel him slide his warm arms easily around my waist and sigh.

This isn't Riku. He was right when he said he felt different all of a sudden. He _is_ different all of a sudden. He never usually cared for someone so...openly, or had wanted to help anyone in need. He sat back, and pulled me with him. I had nothing to hide my face in now, and I wasn't about to struggle out of Riku's hold. That would be rude. He _was_ trying to help me. Even if it was in a weird way.

I think I'll decide to keep my eyes closed. I've stopped crying now anway...

I exhaled, feeling Riku's clenched hands tighten on me. He seemed uncompelled to let go of me. I realized that I was sitting on his lap, so I mimicked him and crossed my legs, too. At my movements, he loosened his grip and slid his hands down farther. I squealed as his hands rest directly below my waist. It was very unpleasant. I didn't like the idea of anyone... touching me. My head was spinning and I felt weak. This definately wasn't Riku. Wasn't this like... molestation?. I don't know. I doesn't feel right. I have to make him stop. Without... being offensive.

"R-Riku" I stuttered and tensed up my thighs.

"Yes...Sora?" He grinned and removed his hands. Then he adjusted my body to a more, laying position. So that I was still leaning on him, but kind of sitting at the same time. Then, he proceeded to run his fingers through my hair. I allowed it all with extreme caution.

After we got settled again, he looked at me and smiled.

"Oh... nevermind now..." I gave a him back my own smile. A nervous one.

The feeling of his hand combing through my hair made me feel relaxed and simple. So, I closed my eyes.

"Sora, can you... tell me whats wrong?"

I could hear Riku talking, but I was so tired. I didn't want to reply. But still, I gave a muffled "No" and seconds afterward, drifted into a peaceful sleep...

**Eh... Yeah. Chap.3 finished! D finally x.x Again, sorry to all those who have been waiting D I tried making this one longer than the last chap. but didn't succeed in getting very far, xD So. yep. I'll start working on chap. 4 soon o.o;; Same theme : flames shall be used for marshmellows. But yay! who doesn't like marshmellows? Hands them out to everyone D **


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